Dating & Sex - Sassy Hong Kong

The Best Sex Shops & Adult Stores In Hong Kong: Sex Toys And More

Team Sassy — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 22:00:50 +0000

Looking for sex toys, lingerie or props to spice up your sex life? Here’s where to find the best sex shops and adult stores in Hong Kong.

Sometimes you need a bit of help to keep things interesting in the bedroom. Luckily, there are enough adult sex shops dotted around the city that every fantasy can be fulfilled. Stocking everything from organic lubricants and sex toy sets to body jewellery and lacy lingerie, here’s our pick of the best sex shops and adult stores in Hong Kong (online and physical) to get you in the mood.

LEXY – Over 5,000 trendy sex toys and accessories at your fingertips

If you haven’t heard of LEXY yet, you’re missing out! This Hong Kong-based online adult toy store is home to over 5,000 high-quality sex toys and accessories including popular vibrators and masturbators (by the likes of Womanizer, We-Vibe and Arcwave) lacy lingerie, BDSM sets and more fun stuff. There are often special deals and promotions running on the site so it’s worth checking in every now and then when you’re in the mood. Enjoy free SF delivery on orders over $300 and same-day express door-to-door shipping from Monday to Saturday (order before 4pm).

Use our exclusive promo code LE-SASSY-85 to enjoy 15% off on all regular-priced items from LEXY’s online store.

LEXY, WhatsApp: 9727 6428, Facebook: LEXY, Instagram: @lexy.hk, lexy.com.hk

Wanta – Sex toy sets, lingerie and S&M items

Small and intimate, you wouldn’t expect to find a whole treasure trove of adult products inside this sex shop. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed though as Wanta offers professional demos on an array of its products, which includes everything from fancy massagers to S&M items, sex toys and lingerie. The shop also stocks items such as pheromone-enhancing body lotions and a sex toy set designed for couples in long-distance relationships.

Wanta, 2/F, 28 Russell Street, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong, 6468 8081, www.wanta.net

Sally’s Toy by Sally Coco – High-end sex toys, fetish wear and more

This approachable intimate lifestyle shop is sure to make you feel at ease and will pique your curiosity as soon you enter the space. Founded by local couple Vera and Picco, Sally’s Toy is a female-friendly brand that sells knowledge first and high-end products second. We love Sally’s for its collection of menstrual care products, sex toys, luxurious lingerie and fetish wear for all genders.

Sally’s Toy (Central), Room 302, 3/F, Winning House, 10-16 Cochrane Street, Central, Hong Kong, 2110 0205
Sally’s Toy (Tsim Sha Tsui), Unit B, 2/F, Kam Ma Building, 16 Cameron Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon, Hong Kong, 2110 1733, www.sallystoy.com

Waddy Store – Sexual wellbeing shop selling high-quality adult toys

With two conveniently located stores in Kowloon and on Hong Kong Island, Waddy Store is a great spot to browse the latest sex toys at competitive prices. The sexual wellbeing shop also offers sexual wellness advice on its online site and speedily delivers products across the city in discreet boxes.

Waddy Store (Causeway Bay), 1/F, 541 Lockhart Road, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong
Waddy Store (Tsim Sha Tsui), Store 122, 1/F, Solo, 41-43 Carnarvon Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, Hong Kong, 5743 8289, www.waddystore.com

Omakase Toy – Japanese sex toys, organic lubricants and more

In true Japanese omakase fashion, you can trust this shop to provide a curated selection of the finest Japanese sex toys and intimate products out there. Omasake Toy carries all the essentials for both solo and couple use, including organic lubricants, luxe vibrators and other easy-to-use sex toys. If you’re in a rush and are ordering online, you can opt for your items to be delivered in as quick as four hours!

Omakase Toy, various locations across Hong Kong, WhatsApp: 5419 4065, www.omakasetoy.com

Take Toys – Sex toys, lubricants and love dolls

Take Toys is the city’s first “sex product supermarket” franchise and has 14 locations across Hong Kong. It prides itself on being at the forefront of the local market and one of the largest sex shops in Hong Kong. Online orders made before 4pm are delivered on the same day, and the stores are all open till midnight.

Take Toys, various locations across Hong Kong, taketoys.hk

Joyful Night – BDSM toys, lingerie and more

Joyful Night was founded by a local Hong Kong YouTuber, Cindy Yeung, who was also an ex-contestant of Miss Hong Kong 2012. On her YouTube channel, Cindy gives tips on how to increase pleasure through different sex toys. Her shops offer a wide range of adult goods from Japan and overseas for both genders, including vibrators, lubricating oils, lingerie and more.

Joyful Night (Sin Tat Plaza), Shop 58, 2/F, Sin Tat Plaza, 83 Argyle Street, Mong Kok, Kowloon, Hong Kong
Joyful Night (Sino Centre), Shop 48, B/F, Sino Centre, 582-592 Nathan Road, Mong Kok, Kowloon, Hong Kong, WhatsApp: 6728 2159, www.joyful-night.com

Pleasure Point – Sex toys, stimulation serums, lingerie and more

Pleasure Point positions itself as a gathering point for people interested in exploring their sexuality. While the online store offers a great selection of sex toys, stimulation serums and accessories to play around with, it’s worth visiting the Mong Kok or Causeway Bay store where the staff are happy to share their sexual health knowledge and sexual pleasure advice.

Pleasure Point (Mong Kok), Room 2101, Pakpolee Commercial Centre, 1A Sai Yeung Choi Street South, Mong Kok, Kowloon, Hong Kong, 9069 0717
Pleasure Point (Causeway Bay), Po Foo Building, 1-5 Foo Ming Street, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong, 5744 7779, pleasurepoint.store

Loveshop – A wide range of Japanese sex products (and wine!)

Aptly named and affordable, Loveshop specialises in all things Japanese. What sets Loveshop apart from other sex shops is its 2,000 square foot space decorated with adult video star look-a-like love dolls. It may be a lot to take in at first, but you’ll find that this sex shop stocks all the essentials and more (it also moonlights as a wine shop!) — and at great prices too.

Loveshop, Room 601B, 6/F, Cheong Hing Building, 72 Nathan Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon, Hong Kong, WhatsApp: 5664 7638, www.loveshop.com.hk

Salty Corner – Stimulators, harnesses, innovative toys and more

Salty Corner collects a variety of innovative and high-quality sex toys from all corners of the world, stocking well-known brands from the US, Europe, Japan and Taiwan. Catering to all fantasies and fetishes, you will find everything from nipple stimulators to flavoured lubricants, harnesses and so much more.

Salty Corner, Room D, 2/F, Sun Kai Mansion, 38 Hennessy Road, Wan Chai, Hong Kong, WhatsApp: 5500 0608, saltycorner.com

Other Online Sex Shops That Deliver To Hong Kong

Adam & Eve – An all-inclusive company spotlighting sex toys for gay and lesbian couples and more. www.adameve.com
Fun Garden – Hong Kong-based online intimate lifestyle store stocking sex toys that both feel good and are good for your body. www.fungarden.com.hk
Avec Amour Lingerie – Premium lingerie, body jewellery and leather bondage pieces. avecamourlingerie.com
Lovesations – An online Dutch brand made by women for women selling sex toys, bedroom accessories and more. www.lovesations.nl

Editor’s Note: “The Best Sex Shops & Adult Stores In Hong Kong: Sex Toys And More” was most recently updated by Team Sassy in September 2023. With thanks to Sarah Richard, Inés Fung and Nathalie Sommer for their contributions.

The post The Best Sex Shops & Adult Stores In Hong Kong: Sex Toys And More appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

Hong Kong Dating Stories: Long-Distance Relationships

Sakina Abidi — Mon, 21 Aug 2023 22:00:30 +0000

In our fourth instalment, we asked Hongkongers about long-distance relationships — and all the trials, tribulations and successes that have come with them!

Ah, long-distance relationships! A circumstance where romantic partners are geographically separated from each other for a length of time and for any reason. In our latest instalment, we asked Hongkongers for their thoughts on LDRs — here’s what they had to say.

As a smaller city-region territory, it’s not surprising that many Hongkongers have found a significant other outside of our seven million at-home population. Just within our team alone, some of our editors were the ones new to the city or have partners who are considerably new-er to Hong Kong, whether they landed here because of higher education, work opportunities or family.

Now, Google the words “long distance” and the first page of results will likely pull up various headlines that start with the words “how to survive” or “making it work”. It’s true that in today’s age, we have phones and the internet ready at hand, making things like instant messaging and video calling a total breeze. But relationships where you’re physically apart certainly come with their challenges!

We asked five individuals about long-distance relationships. Here’s what they said…

Fenela, 20, is a Filipina Hongkonger. She’s been in one long-distance relationship which started when she was 18. She lives in Hong Kong and her partner had an exchange programme that took him to Rimini, Italy, where he now studies. They’ve been apart for a year — and it’s uncertain when they’ll see each other again. The end goal is to live somewhere in Europe together.

PC, 26, is a Chinese Hongkonger. She met her significant other in Scotland, where he was raised, and they’ve been dating for exactly “4 years, 2 months, 20 days”. The relationship has been long-distance since December of last year when she took up a job in Hong Kong. The end goal is to reunite in Hong Kong next year.

Abee, 26 is a Filipina Hongkonger. She’s been with her boyfriend, Z, for about four years. He lives in Macau and she resides here in Hong Kong. Pre-pandemic, they would alternate on who would cross the border during the weekends. The setup was “actually perfect” for them until COVID forced borders to close for about three years, and they couldn’t see each other at all! The end goal is, of course, to be together in the same city.

A, 26, is an Indian Hongkonger. She met her husband in high school and they’ve been together for 11 years. She lives in Hong Kong and her husband lives in Singapore, previously she used to live in London while he was in Singapore. They’re currently long-distance and have been for seven years; they try and see each other once every three months, aiming to spend at least a week together each time. The couple is working towards reuniting within a year.

Kim, 30, is a Filipina. She’s been married for over a year and she and her husband are both based in Hong Kong now. They first met in 2013 when she was doing an exchange student programme at his university in the United States. They dated for nine years before getting married and were mostly long-distance as she had to finish her studies in the Philippines. He moved to Hong Kong in 2016 and Kim always planned to move here too once they got married. The couple got engaged in late 2019 and had planned to get married in 2021 but due to Hong Kong’s strict COVID enforcements, they were forced to delay until February 2022, when they got married in Guam.

What were your general feelings about long-distance relationships before you entered one?

Fenela: I thought it could never work and never understood why couples would put themselves through so much when you could just find someone else near you.

PC: Fear and uncertainty were probably the big ones. The dynamic of your relationship will most likely have a 180° change. No one knows, not you, not them so it all boils down to trust, communication and planning ahead.

Abee: I’ve always loved hearing LDR success stories because (unfortunately!) they seemed quite rare… Before Z, I swore I wouldn’t get into any long-distance relationship. I always thought I wasn’t one of those people “built” to be in one. Never say never I guess!

Kim: I actually wasn’t a firm believer of LDRs so I was apprehensive to start one. I just knew that breaking up wasn’t an option and I would rather endure being physically apart versus not being together at all.

What were or are your thoughts during the long-distance relationship?

Fenela: It’s obviously really hard but that doesn’t mean that you just give up on someone you absolutely love — you’ve just got to keep going.

PC: It needs communication, trust and planning… You need to have a sit-down conversation with your partner about each other’s expectations and whether you can handle it; what would happen if the stresses of life (like work, family, friends etc.) arise, how they can be handled, what sort of support you’d need and could your partner provide this. LDRs, like all relationships, be it platonic or romantic, take work. Everything that’s good in your life comes from the effort you invest.

Abee: It’s not like I was miserable the entire time that we weren’t together. I still lived my life and he did too. We’d spend time with family and friends, and we’d have the occasional Messenger, FaceTime and Netflix Party dates. The worst part for me though was the waves of sadness (no thanks to PMS and hormones!) because there were times I heard a song, saw a meme or witnessed a couple having coffee, which may or may not have sent me into a spiral.

A: It’s really, really hard, especially during COVID when travel was curtailed. But I have to say, since my partner and I started dating at a very young age, I think long distance helped build our emotional connection. Long distance also allowed us to grow independently during our formative years but, luckily, we grew together and our shared values never wavered.

Kim: Long distance was without a doubt very tough. We were in perpetual countdowns until the next reunion and we couldn’t be together on many milestones. But a LDR had its own perks — while physically apart, we learned to grow as individuals first before fully committing ourselves to each other. We learned to be fully independent and more mature. Overall, throughout the ups and downs of our LDR, I just kept telling myself that it would be worth it in the end — and it definitely is.

Fenela: I think that it really is for the strongest and most loyal people because not everyone can do it.

Do you have any ground rules for your relationship?

F: We talk every day and hang out through Netflix Party (now Teleparty) at least once a week.

Abee: If I’m gonna be honest, we don’t really have any! We just play it by ear all the time. It’s a very low-maintenance relationship and I’ve realised that the more we tried to plan and schedule something, the more it doesn’t happen which leaves room for disappointment that nobody has time for. We message throughout the day just to update each other that we’re alive (kidding!) and the occasional Facetime calls if we’re both up for it.

Kim: We have a rule to constantly exercise kindness. One good thing about a LDR is that whenever we have disagreements, we have the physical distance to cool off and think rationally first.

Being physically apart can be emotionally taxing…

Fenela: My love language is physical touch so it can be really depressing not having my partner with me but he tries his best to reassure me.

PC: My partner knows me best, and that statement still stands; I don’t know anyone here who can compare to the emotional closeness I have with my partner. Alongside loneliness, I find myself finding it more difficult to share my life considering my partner wouldn’t “understand” since he doesn’t know the culture and the people and friends I’ve made. An eight-hour time difference also puts strain on our relationship; when he’s asleep, I’m awake, when I’m awake, he’s asleep. It’s hard to feel supported when you’re crying in your room, knowing very well your partner’s sound asleep 5,000 miles away.

Abee: In our case, it was frustrating that we couldn’t see each other when we were literally just a bridge away! Couples that had to fly to their significant others saw each other before we ever did (I’m still lowkey bitter about it!). But the worst part was the uncertainty of the whole situation. We had no idea how long the pandemic would go on. I definitely reached a point where I didn’t expect anything anymore so I wouldn’t feel disappointed.

A: The most difficult feeling for me is that of loneliness, especially on the weekends. When you see other couples on the weekends enjoying meals together at new restaurants or cafes. It’s upsetting that I can’t share that moment with my partner.

How do you spend quality time together virtually?

Fenela: We usually play games, watch something through Teleparty or use Discord.

PC: I don’t know if this is one but we made WhatsApp stickers of funny photos we took of each other on trips we went on together. We talk about anything on video call. We did try a lot of different apps but I think none of them really stuck. Just Zoom, watching anime together, WhatsApp and using Instagram to send reels.

Abee: Even though we don’t talk regularly, we take the time to discuss important matters or just to listen to each other’s frustrations. We made sure that we were as open and honest about our feelings as much as possible — the good, the bad and the ugly! We would have FaceTime or Messenger calls from time to time. If there was a series that we were both into, we’d watch it at the same time via Netflix Party (now Teleparty) while on a video call. We also send each other horrible selfies (haha!) and photos of food just to make each other jealous.

Kim: We would constantly communicate with each other — from greeting each other good morning to good night, and updating each other wherever we’d go out. We also had regular video calls on Zoom and Skype. We’d have virtual date nights too, like watching a Netflix movie at the same time.

What can you do when you’re physically apart to show support and consideration for your long-distance significant other?

Fenela: We use Snapchat to update each other through constant videos and pictures so it feels like we’re still part of each other’s lives, even from very far away.

PC: We mail each other things sometimes randomly. It doesn’t have to be large gifts or huge bouquets, just something small: little gifts; letters, plushies, message bottles full of affirmations.

A: I try to encourage my partner to go out with friends on the weekends and Friday evenings. I know a lot of couples argue over “Boy’s Nights Out” etc. but I personally find happiness in my partner’s happiness. So, I always encourage him to spend time with close friends so that he’s not alone. My partner sends me surprise gifts every now and then, which is lovely. He also gets food delivered to my office on nights I work late to make sure I take a break and eat.

To what extent do you agree that distance makes the heart grow fonder?

PC: It makes you really appreciate the time that you do have when you meet up with each other. And to fall in love with them all over again when you do. To see the little things that your partner does and remember how wonderful your person is. You forget how warm their hug is and how nice they smell.

A: I personally am not a believer in the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”. I choose my partner every day, whether physically together or in a long-distance relationship.

How do you handle disputes and disagreements when not seeing each other face-to-face?

Fenela: Whenever we have a disagreement or misunderstanding, we both have the mindset to never leave the conversation mad or frustrated. We always try to fix our misunderstandings as soon as possible to try not to make things worse.

Abee: Virtually and physically, we always give each other space whenever things get heated just to avoid escalating it even further. We let each other cool off and then discuss things rationally the following day.

What’s the most creative date you’ve had virtually?

Fenela: Spotify music sessions are really nice because sometimes you don’t have the words to express your feelings and playing each other’s music is a really cool way to communicate.

A: A cooking date! We had a chef off.

Do you visit each other often?

Fenela: Right now isn’t really the best time for us to meet because of school but we plan to visit each other during the holidays.

Abee: We do now actually! We see each other almost every week. We alternate on who crosses the border but there’s no fixed schedule.

A: Yes, three times a year for a week at a time, at least. We’ve been travelling around Asia at the moment; meeting in Vietnam and Indonesia.

Kim: Back when we were dating, we would see each other about three to four times a year, whether it’s where we resided (Hong Kong or the Philippines) or vacationing in other countries like Australia, Japan or Taiwan.

Do you have advice you’d give anyone considering a long-distance relationship?

Fenela: Long distance works but pick the right person to do it with. If you do, it won’t feel tiring or draining.

PC: Make sure you sit down and talk about expectations.

Abee: After everything I’ve been through and knowing what I know now, I think that you really need to do a deep dive of self-reflection to know if you’re the type of person that can handle a long-distance relationship. Possibly controversial but I think that not everyone is built for it. I don’t think there’s any harm in trying but it’s really gonna test you as individuals and as a couple. You really have to ask yourself if this is something not just you’re ready for but willing to work on.

A: Always plan the next thing to look forward to together.

Kim: To those doing LDRs, the goodbyes are the hardest part but I can tell you that it makes every physical moment worthwhile. My husband and I haven’t been in a LDR for over a year now but every time one of us travels out of the country, each reunion feels just as good as the first one. Two core things helped us: strength and maturity. Constantly saying goodbye to your partner is no joke so you’ll need that strength and stamina to endure those painful moments. Maturity also plays an important role because you’ll need to understand and respect your own lives in your respective countries. A LDR can work! It was tough but oh so worth it.

Any final thoughts?

Fenela: Don’t buy long-distance couple gadgets. They’re trash.

Abee: At the end of the day, maintaining a LDR is a choice. It’s very easy to look the other way but if you truly want to make it work, you have to choose that person as soon as you wake up and before you go to bed.

Editor’s Note: Like what you read? We’re always looking for more people to share their thoughts and stories (whether you’re in a relationship or not!). Reach out to us at editorial@sassyhongkong.com

The post Hong Kong Dating Stories: Long-Distance Relationships appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

Hong Kong Dating Stories: LGBTQI+ Scene — Pride Month Special

Sakina Abidi — Tue, 13 Jun 2023 22:00:24 +0000

Our “Hong Kong Dating Stories” Pride Month special looks at the city’s LGBTQI+ dating scene.

In our third instalment, a Pride Month special, we’re talking to Hongkongers and Hong Kong-based people of any age and relationship length from the LGBTQI+ community (emphasising marginalised gender identities and sexualities) about the city’s “LGBTQI+ dating scene.”

Read More: Sassy Supports – Pink Alliance

What are your thoughts about Hong Kong’s LGBTQI+ dating scene?

Bry Bry, he/him, 27 — is gay and currently single:

It…. exists? In other words, it is quite common to hear of people dating, hooking up and in relationships — which I think is a win for the LGBTQI+ community! From my experience and other people’s stories, dates are arranged almost always through dating apps. Although I personally would like to embrace tradition and meet guys more often in person!

Benny, he/him, 30 — is also gay and has recently gotten out of a relationship. He met his ex online and they were together (officially) for a year and three months:

Hmm, honestly? Quite abysmal. Extremely shallow. For gay men at least. Substance comes second, or even third or fourth to what the person looks like. The LGBTQI+ dating scene favours those with abs or a hot body. Not to diss my own community but I think we can openly admit that it’s not the greatest. What doesn’t help too is that Hong Kong is quite small so it’s a niche community, and the LGBTQI+ community is even smaller.

Anon, she/her — is bisexual:

Very incestuous. LGBT people tend to group around similar interests.

Jibreel, he/him, 21 — is gay and has been seeing someone for one year:

It’s hyper-sexualized. Dating apps like Grindr emphasize more on sex rather than romance, which eventually becomes the sole purpose of finding other men: just to fulfil certain carnal needs without actually getting to know the person.

Even the way the community expresses itself is hyper-sexualised, with phallic references and symbols everywhere [in gay bars and at drag shows]. It becomes confusing. The whole point of community is to look out for one another, not trashing someone for “not being gay enough” (because they don’t watch Drag Race or drink alcohol and choose not to be promiscuous).

It’s also toxic, extremely selective, racially segregating and/or includes immense racial fetishization. Basically, the only way to be generally accepted in terms of dating someone from the community is to be conventionally hot (muscular, tall, masculine, straight-passing).

What have your experiences dating in Hong Kong been like?

Bry Bry: I have to admit, serious dating was never something I truly considered when I moved to Hong Kong. Historically, I’m more of a “fling type” of guy, which has worked out well! And as in any big city, [in Hong Kong] you can meet people from many parts of the globe, which can be quite spicy.

Benny: Get comfy. Dating in Hong Kong truly ranges from the most wholesome of dates to the “dirtiest” of nights, if you catch my drift. You meet truly every kind of character. You meet nice people and the rudest. Those who are humble, those who are arrogant. You’re constantly surprised and you’re also constantly disappointed.

When you do find the “gems”, it’s always a nice feeling to know that it isn’t all that bad and that there is someone for you. Like, not all guys are jerks. There’s… hope. There are many success stories, and there are a lot of unfortunate, not-so-happy endings. But I guess that’s just dating in general, am I right?

Anon: There is some conservative opposition. Once, when discussing problems I encountered in my own relationship, a friend (also in an LGBT relationship, and who found her partner through local LGBT dating sites!) told me that it’s actually common to hear of people exploring things with a queer partner for quite a few years but ultimately breaking things off for a heterosexual marriage, leaving the other party a little blindsided.

Jibreel: Terrible. Most of the experiences have been purely sexual where after the sex, there’s usually post-nut clarity and an indirect pressure to immediately leave the person’s home since there’s no use for me being there anymore. In terms of racial fetishisation, there was one man who really liked “the smell of South Asians” because apparently, “the pheromones smelled more like testosterone.” My whole interaction with him made me feel more like a meal rather than an actual human being. I’ve also seen several dating site bios that openly state they don’t want to receive messages from brown or black men.

It’s far more common for people in the LGBTQI+ community to turn to online platforms and apps to form connections — both platonic and romantic.

Benny: Absolutely. It’s much harder for people in the LGBTQI+ community to meet people organically as there’s this constant “worry” in our mind that the person we’re speaking to is homophobic (when meeting straight people) or whether they’re interested in us. I guess it’s that constant battle of “wanting to be accepted.”

I know that some people seek comfort online because they’re not ready yet to form connections yet in person; there could be many reasons for this. Perhaps they’re simply not ready, or they have not come to terms with who they are, or want to keep an extremely low profile, it could be anything. But yes, it’s definitely more common for people in the LGBTQI+ community to form connections online.

Jibreel: Yes, because it’s also a way for us to stay anonymous in case we are closeted and don’t want to reveal too much information about ourselves. It serves as a safety mechanism — to hide behind a computer screen but still have access to other people and form safer connections virtually, rather than face-to-face which could have worse risks.

How about you in particular — have you ever used a dating app?

Bry Bry: I’ve used Tinder and Grindr.

Benny: I’ve tried Grindr, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Scruff and Jack’d. Definitely more on the gay apps.

Anon: Nope!

Jibreel: Yes, Grindr. I hate it. At some point, it became an addiction for me for two years because that was how I gained external validation — through sex. The app is problematic because, unlike Tinder, anyone can message you from anywhere at any time. They can send unsolicited pictures and make remarks about your face and body, even though they themselves may not show their face on their bios.

What are some of the memorable experiences you’ve had on or through a dating app?

Bry Bry: What I find most memorable would be the variety of races, cultures and personalities that I have met through dating apps.

Benny: It’s safe to say gay men have seen too many headless torsos and unsolicited dirty photos in one lifetime.

Jibreel: One of my most memorable experiences was hooking up with a very attractive man who claimed he was a complete ‘heterosexual’ but didn’t do very straight things with me. He was on drugs and he seemed to really enjoy the experience but I later found out he was married and that he was just exploring this side of him. It had “nothing to do with homosexuality,” which greatly confused me.

Do you think it’s easier to meet queer people online rather than offline in Hong Kong?

Bry Bry: Yes.

Anon: No.

Benny: Definitely. Hong Kong still hasn’t caught up with some parts of the world in terms of how the LGBTQI+ community is viewed. To this day, I hear Hongkongers having issues with the LGBTQI+ community. So being out and loud can cause issues in Hong Kong — it’s best to do it online in an avenue where you can meet people that are like you.

Jibreel: For sure, as I said before, it serves as a safety mechanism for us to channel what we really want to say, but with a layer of protection since we don’t have to show our true selves as we can hide behind a computer screen. Plus, since we’re a sexual minority, it’s generally much harder to find people from the LGBT+ community, so when algorithms can narrow down that scope via dating apps, it makes it much easier to find our niche and connect with people through that.

What are some of the places and communities — online, offline or a mix of both — where you can find other queer people in Hong Kong?

Editor’s Note: Some of the examples we gave included Mum’s Not Home, Madame Quad, Queer Reads Library, T:me, Petticoat Lane, BING BING 兵兵, Eaton HK, The Pontiac and FLM!

Bry Bry: Please tell me! I’m keen to venture to these places and meet new people there!

Jibreel: I don’t go to any bars though I have heard of cruising spots around Hong Kong like Kowloon Park and the large forest park in Fwai Fong. I don’t engage with online communities either.

Do you see any representation around you?

Bry Bry: In terms of sexual preferences, yes, there is representation around me. Though I only ever meet a handful outside of dating apps, so a large majority of relationships I pursue would be through dating apps unless I stumble upon an event or party where LGBTQI+ members will be or are in attendance.

Benny: I do, but it’s never in Hong Kong. It’s usually online when someone gay overseas (usually something in the entertainment industry or on social media) “succeeds” or goes viral for a good reason. It doesn’t really impact how I approach both platonic or romantic relationships because to me, being gay is a part of who I am but it’s not who I am as a whole.

Anon: I find “media representation” a problematic Western liberal concept, and deliberately try not to let it impact my approach to relationships. Representation in the form of actual people (like friends I know, whose struggles I have witnessed) impacts me much more — they give me a different perspective on the nuances of being LGBT and Asian, which ultimately helps me figure out my own stance on certain things in my own relationships.

Jibreel: No intersectional representation. Most Hong Kong queers are either expats so they’re mostly Caucasian or ethnically Chinese. This impacts my queer experiences because there’s a lack of representation of my race, and certain people don’t feel comfortable being sexually or romantically open with me.

How about at home?

Bry Bry: My family lives outside Hong Kong, and I am the only member of my family (including extended family) living in Hong Kong, which does allow me to freely explore these kinds of relationships. I consider myself very close to my family, and am fortunate that they are accepting of my identity and who I choose for a partner.

Benny: My parents don’t know about me being gay and I act completely different in front of them. I know how they perceive and feel about the gay community and it would cause unnecessary stress, drama and friction if I told them about me being gay. I actually decided at a very young age that I would keep them separated from anything that has to do with being gay because it’s just better that way; no one gets hurt. I kept my relationships away from my parents. Besides, my relationships are or were for me and my partner. I honestly didn’t feel or see the need to include my parents in it.

Jibreel: My family doesn’t know about it. Culture ties in with religion and my religion condemns it so it’s considered to be completely forbidden.

And your friends?

Bry Bry: My friends are my friends for many reasons, and I am forever grateful that all my friends, most of whom fall outside the community, are accepting of my identity. Coming out to friends was exactly how I imagined it, and the result was exactly what I wanted. I am usually a source for new dating stories which seem to entertain my friends.

Benny: I choose my friends carefully. So most of them know from the get-go and are extremely fine with it because I’m not necessarily hiding anything and I know that the people I interact with would be okay with it. The second I know that someone is being judgmental or is uncomfortable with the fact that I’m gay, I simply don’t interact with them. Shout out to my lovely and amazing friends!

Anon: I once told a friend I was dating my same-sex partner and she laughed very uncomfortably, asked whether that meant romantically interested in her [my friend] too and tried to sit further away. I said, “you wish.”

To be honest, I think as long as you have the courage of your own convictions, Hong Kong is a great place to do whatever you want. Even though that was a slightly infuriating episode for me, I respect my friends’ cultural upbringing that made her see things this way, and I still have enough power as an LGBT person [here] to do whatever I want despite the societal disapproval she represents. If the balance of power changed (for example if LGBT rights were eroded past a certain point in Hong Kong), I’m sure I would feel very differently.

Jibreel: Certain friends know about it and they’re super supportive and accepting. Dating hasn’t affected any of my friendships as I’ve learnt to balance them both in my own way. A memorable coming-out experience was probably the first person I came out to who was my best friend at the time. I couldn’t say it out loud so I wrote it out on a piece of paper and filmed her reaction which turned out to be super funny, since she was really shocked (we had known each other for 15 years!).

And finally, do you have anything else you’d like to share about dating as a member of the LGBTQI+ community in Hong Kong?

Jibreel: It’s definitely a lot more strict than for straight people as everything has labels. Whether you’re a top or bottom, a twink or a hunk, these labellings divide people more than they unite which becomes very problematic. It’s also sad that the entire community [tends to be] grouped as one, as a trans person’s experience in life could be completely different from that of a gay person.

Bry Bry: You may not always get what you want, but that can be said for anyone! If there is something I would like to evolve, it’s how members of the LGBTQI+ community meet and socialise. While apps are easy and accessible, we should aim for having a plethora of other mediums to meet people (and keep away from our phones!). Finding the right person is tricky, so try your best to enjoy the journey!

Benny: I think I’ve shared a gist of what it’s like to date as a member of the LGBTQI+ community. My views are simply my own and don’t necessarily resonate with or represent the whole community. It really is different for everyone and I think whether you’re in the LGBTQI+ community or not, just have fun! Dating doesn’t have to be so serious. Just don’t hurt yourself or anyone else (aka, don’t be a jerk) and you’re good to go!

The post Hong Kong Dating Stories: LGBTQI+ Scene — Pride Month Special appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

Hong Kong Dating Stories: Online Dating

Sakina Abidi — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 22:02:07 +0000

We’re back with another “Hong Kong Dating Stories”, this time looking at dating apps and online platforms, the successful — and not-so-successful — virtual relationships that became in-person couple origin stories, and more…

In this dating stories series, we look at the city’s singles, couples and Hong Kong’s dating scene, what our personal and romantic relationships are like and how our upbringing here and abroad has made a difference in the way we view and build them. In our second instalment, we’re talking to Hongkongers and Hong Kong-based people — of any age, relationship length, gender identity and sexuality — about dating using online platforms! Whether it’s a dating-focused app or website, connecting in some way online (like on a forum!) or simply using a regular social media platform to date (guilty!), here’s what they had to say.

What’s your general opinion on online dating?

B, 34 — Chinese, from the UK, Hong Kong-based, has been using some version of a dating app for the past seven years:
It’s a good way to meet people when you don’t have the time or the ability to do that offline. It can be easier to approach or talk to someone with the protection of a screen.

JC, 25 — Chinese, from Hong Kong, has a significant other they met on Coffee Meets Bagel. They’ve been together for over two years now:
I think online dating is a good option for people to meet as long as you go into it with a very casual and low-stakes mindset — it should not make or break you or your life.

Anonymous, 25 — Indian, from Hong Kong, opened an account on a dating app six years ago:
I have really mixed emotions about online dating. I either really enjoy it or really, really hate it. Probably 98 percent of my dates were through an online connection.

I’ve used Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — and Coffee Meets Bagel (for about five seconds before I deleted it). I’ve spoken to and met some absolute characters and some I wish I could just forget. But it makes for funny stories to tell. I have also truly met some really great people on these apps. So let’s say 70 percent good, 30 percent not-so-good.

Mash, 26 — Pakistani, from Hong Kong, has a significant other they met on Tinder. They’re married and have been together for seven years now:
It’s a great way to meet new people but can also be mentally and emotionally draining.

KA, 26 — Indian, from Hong Kong, has a significant other they met through Instagram. They’re engaged and have been together for two years now:
When I was trying out dating apps, I saw a lot of internet discourse online for the first time about “situationships” and virtual talking stages. Honestly, I never made it that far — I just ended up both reconnecting with old flings and meeting new people through friends of friends IRL.

On Tinder…

B: I met some great people on it who became long-term partners but equally found people looking purely for hook-ups. The app is what it is and I have never been disappointed in it — just some of the men I have spoken to on it.

A: When I was at uni, I feel like Tinder was my number one go-to dating app. I never really took dating seriously in the sense of looking for anything long-term and Tinder is great for that. There’s an unspoken understanding that Tinder is the hook-up app of the lot.

M: Tinder used to be exciting and very efficient — I stopped using it once I met my significant other so I think a lot has changed over the years. It was just that one rare online connection on Tinder that happened to be my life partner!

And other dating apps…

B: I probably wouldn’t use Happn again, there’s something a little too real about how it informs people around you of your presence. Bumble is touted as more for relationships than hook-ups but the guys in my experience have never wanted more than a one-night stand. Coffee Meets Bagel was okay, I met a long-term partner on it but on the whole, I wasn’t invested in the app.

Hinge is probably the one I like the most. I enjoy the prompts that force most people to provide an answer, I like that you can see a range of people over and over again — unlike the swipe left and lose them forever aspect of other apps — and I did meet a long-term partner on it. I would probably say it attracts a calibre of people who are a little more relationship-minded.

JC: I technically have a 100 percent success rate since I only physically met with one person from Coffee Meets Bagel and ended up properly dating them. Coffee Meets Bagel seems to be for people who want a more serious and “wholesome” dating experience. Bumble is a step down from the seriousness of CMB and people on the platform are generally more open to casual relationships or even just friendships. But it sometimes feels annoying that the app depends on the woman to initiate the conversation.

A: I’ve genuinely met some really great people on Bumble. It took me some time to get used to the whole ‘girls message first’ thing because I usually forget that the app even exists and then the match expires. I’m now more comfortable with the concept but even then I don’t open the app often so the 24-hour match can be a bit tricky.

KA: I’m really not experienced with online dating — I did try to download a few apps, including Tinder, Bumble and even Muzz (formerly muzmatch) after I graduated from university (and my dating pool obviously suddenly shrunk) but I was honestly very terrible and used them like a little swiping game on my phone.

The most surreal experience I’ve had on a dating app?

B: In his first message, a guy straight up asked me if I liked anal. I did not consider that first message material if I’m honest.

KA: I matched with this guy, who I never met up with because he spent the majority of the first messages to me insisting I wasn’t Indian and that I shouldn’t be offended because I didn’t “look like your neighbourhood next-door Indian”. He was a Persian from Canada so I don’t know what was going on there. I’m usually identified as Indo-Pak both in real life and online by other South Asians and I’ve even gotten voice recording messages in Hindi-Urdu – despite never writing anywhere that I could understand the language.

And a not-so-great experience I’ve had that included a dating app was when I matched with a friend of a friend I’d seen once in real life. I remembered him, he didn’t remember me but we met up. I hadn’t paid close attention to our Bumble profiles but he had — he knew my age and that I was going to be taller than him. I asked him how old he was but the next time we met up, he confessed he’d lied. It doesn’t sound that bad — but “agefishing” is really icky, and I couldn’t shake off how horrible it made me feel for the next few weeks. I still see him around but I don’t speak to him.

The generations above me think…

B: My parent’s generation doesn’t like or understand the concept of online dating. If we’re talking about Gen X’s view however, I think it is not much different to how I, a Millennial, view dating platforms except I believe it is more than the home of hook-up culture — I know real relationships can and have been created on them.

JC: Online dating is unsafe and “unethical” to some degree, based on some thoughts I have heard from my mother.

A: I want to say I’m probably more open to online dating than the generation above but I also feel like that line is a bit more blurred now. I had friends in uni who are my age and are very anti-dating apps. To each their own.

And the generation below me…

B: They form parasocial relationships so hard and fast on social media that I don’t think the idea of dating platforms phases them at all.

JC: I’ve heard about them having purely online relationships for long periods of time before ever physically meeting the other person. And I think they’re much more comfortable with meeting people online in general, through Instagram and Snapchat; not necessarily dating apps.

If I had to tell a friend about dating apps…

B: I’d recommend Hinge for people seriously looking for a relationship, Tinder for hooking up or both but no one app will ever be one or the other.

And finally, I’d say

B: Dating platforms are great, to be honest. They can be terrible for your self-esteem and the whole dating experience can be soul-crushing — but even so, the apps aren’t so bad. I’ve met some truly wonderful men and some absolutely awful ones thanks to the apps but that would easily happen if I’d met them in real life. The apps open up the pool a lot more, that’s all.

A: Dating apps are fun and I don’t think they should be taken too seriously. Just have fun with it and be safe. If you’re going on a date with a new date — share your location with your friends!

KA: My most successful relationship is actually due to an online connection on a very regular social media platform. I was following my now-fiancé on Instagram for over a year, literally replied to one of his stories, he saw it, followed me back and we became friends. We started seeing each other romantically a few months later. Meeting up for the first time in real life was so scary, I worried about it for weeks. I was so sure it was going to be weird and terrible but it wasn’t! It was a risk that really paid off.

I feel like I don’t have a concrete opinion on dating, because I tend to make friends with someone and then catch feelings. Dating apps just seem like an extension of a not-so-great in-real-life dating pool. I think it’s scary — but I think the dating scene is also scary. Strangers? No background checks? Men? All scary stuff, online and off.

The post Hong Kong Dating Stories: Online Dating appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

The Orgasm Gap: What Is It And How Can I Close It?

Sara Tang — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 22:00:16 +0000

Orgasms gaps exist in committed relationships, hookups and casual sex. Sex coach, Sara Tang shares tips on how to bridge the orgasm gap…

The orgasm gap, or pleasure gap, refers to the general disparity in sexual satisfaction between cisgender men and women – more specifically, the fact that women orgasm less than men during sexual interactions. Studies have shown that only 55% of women (as compared to 95% of men) are likely to have an orgasm during a sexual encounter. This gap widens with casual hook-ups and is typically narrower in committed relationships.

There are many reasons why the gap exists, a big factor being cultural ignorance surrounding the clitoris and the prioritisation of penetrative sex. Ahead, we dig deeper into the issue and what we can do to close the orgasm gap.

Bridging The Orgasm Gap: Prioritisation Of Male Pleasure

What do you picture when you hear the word “sex”? For many, heterosexual sex equates to penetrative intercourse, while clitoral stimulation (women’s most common means of orgasm) is often downplayed as foreplay.

This social construct, in part, exists because of the way sex is usually portrayed in mainstream media and porn (i.e. women appearing to have mind-blowing orgasms from penetrative intercourse). However, the fact of the matter is that 70-80% of women are unable to orgasm through penetration alone as it does not provide enough clitoral stimulation.

Women are simply not stimulated enough from just penetrative intercourse.

As a sex coach, this is the first thing I explain to female clients who are feeling disappointed or “broken” when orgasms seem elusive during penetrative sex. I reassure them that it’s likely they are simply not being stimulated in a way that works for them.

The Stud Vs Slut Narrative

Another cultural problem that contributes to the orgasm gap is the tendency for society to judge women more harshly than men for engaging in casual sex. Why is it that men are often admired for their many sexual conquests, whereas women are expected to protect their virtue and purity?

A double standard that holds women back from exploring their bodies and sexuality

This “stud vs slut” narrative seems to be prevalent among the more conservative societies in Asia, making it harder for them to advocate for their own pleasure – to ask for what they want. Many heterosexual women tend to feel a sense of duty or responsibility to please their male partner and in turn, neglect to focus on their own needs and desires.

So How Can We Close The Orgasm Gap?

The best way to fix the problem is for people to get educated on the topic. Many of us received a terribly limited sex education growing up that focused on reproduction and glossed over pleasure. In order to close the gap, it’s important for us all to get more familiar with the ins and outs of female sexuality and pleasure.

The social practices around sex is also something that needs to be changed. Women need to learn how to be better at asking for what they want and communicating to their partners what gives them pleasure. Attending an online coaching programme, such as my Better in Bed Foundations course, is a great way for women to get in touch with their own sexuality and break out of patterns that result in unfulfilling, lacklustre sex.

Read More: How To Love Your Vulva

Redefine Sex

Another way to close the orgasm gap is to change how sex is defined. Sex isn’t just about intercourse, it’s about all forms of pleasure and play that brings enjoyment to both parties involved. This means putting just as much effort into providing external stimulation as internal stimulation.

While this may seem counter-intuitive in an article discussing the orgasm gap, less focus should be put on the “goal” of orgasm so both partners can relax and enjoy themselves in whatever way brings them pleasure.

Know What You Want

The women who are most likely to ensure they orgasm with a partner are those who know how get there on their own. How else will you teach someone else how you like it? I encourage anyone with a vulva to take responsibility for their own pleasure and make sure you get it, rather than hoping for it.

The key to understanding what turns you on or off and knowing exactly how you (and your clitoris) like to be stimulated is masturbation. If you’ve never used a sex toy before, you don’t need to be intimidated. There are many simple bullet-style vibrators that allow you to experience direct clitoral stimulation, and they are handy to have around either for a solo session or even when things are heating up with a partner.

That said, a huge amount of the female arousal and pleasure happens in the mind. So it’s important to put aside any worry about whether your partner is enjoying himself or if you will climax. This type of mental chatter draws you out of the moment and can make it difficult to experience the heights of pleasure.

Ask For What You Want

Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what you enjoy and what you need in order to climax. It’s a great idea to have extended foreplay sessions (I like to call them play sessions) that forego the penetrative element, to give you both a chance to learn what the other likes.

It’s okay to make requests to a partner such as slowing down the pace, directing them to give you more clitoral stimulation, or even pausing so you can reach for a sex toy. Most partners want to please you, so help them by telling them what you need.

And if you’re not feeling it that night, just let them know that you don’t think you’ll orgasm – never fake it. Even if it feels easier to do so. By faking an orgasm, you send the message that whatever your partner is doing is working, which will result in them doing the same unfulfilling things repeatedly.

Advice For The Guys

Don’t take it personally if your partner didn’t orgasm from penetration. Ensure she is getting a healthy amount of direct clitoral stimulation instead, whether manually, orally or with the help of a vibrator.

Slow things down to build tension and arousal. Most women need a longer time to build-up from arousal to climax than men, so be patient. Instead of heading straight for the genitals, start by stimulating the rest of her body. Maybe try a simple massage to ensure she’s relaxed and focused on your touch, rather than other things going on in her day.

Be attentive to what she needs. Approach talking about sex away from the bedroom when the pressure is off, and then check in again during sex with a “Like this?” or “How does this feel?” during. But just be wary that too many questions can take your partner out of the moment. Don’t assume that every woman enjoys the same things. Sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of activity.

Find The Balance

At the heart of every great sexual relationship is consistent communication, mutual respect and a balance of giving and receiving pleasure. As long as you approach every sexual encounter with the knowledge that each party deserves equal enjoyment from this experience, you and your partner are much more likely to have a satisfying sex life.

Read More: Could Sex Help You Sleep Better?

Editor’s Note: “The Orgasm Gap: What Is It And How Can I Close It?” was first published in October 2020 and was most recently updated in March 2023 by Team Sassy.

The post The Orgasm Gap: What Is It And How Can I Close It? appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

Hong Kong Dating Stories: Intercultural Relationships

Sakina Abidi — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 22:00:49 +0000

Welcome to Hong Kong Dating Stories! In our first instalment, we take a look at interracial couples and intercultural relationships…

In this new series, we’re looking at Hong Kong couples and the city’s dating scene, what our personal and romantic relationships are like and how our upbringing here and abroad has made a difference in the way we view and build them. In our inaugural post, we’re looking at intercultural couples of different ages and relationship lengths, discovering their experiences dating outside their ethnicity, considering the reactions from their community members and loved ones and more…

Our Couples

Fashila, 27, is an Indian Hongkonger dating a 28-year-old Bangladeshi. You may recognise her as our Associate Editor and we’re pleased to confirm that the couple is recently engaged!

E (pseudonym) is a Chinese-American dating an Indian. They’re both in their mid to late 20s and met in Volar (which closed in 2021 after 17 years of operating in Lan Kwai Fong!).

Lastly, Olivia (pseudonym), 30, is Filipino Chinese dating a 31-year-old French man. This couple met through the app “happn” and have been together for 4 years.

Have you told your family? What was their reaction?

Fashila: Yes. They love him and even if my mom at times struggles to communicate with him, she finds her ways.

E: I told my family about my partner 3 years into dating him but I told them it had been 2 years. Their initial questions were a bit questionable (they actually asked what passport he had!) but they haven’t had a strongly negative or positive reaction to him yet.

Olivia: [My family] didn’t say anything until they noticed certain things that he did. Like if he was offered food by my parents, he would always accept it. This is a cultural difference of ours, it’s rude to refuse food in his culture (French).

Did you tell them straight away?

F: I didn’t. I knew I would only introduce him to my parents if we were both on the same page. We got to know each other first and waited for the right time to tell them.

O: Yes, I was annoyed my parents were creating drama about it so I just wanted it to be resolved right away.

E: My parents’ biggest concern is religion because they are both very Christian. I haven’t been Christian in a long time. It was tough for me to tell them about my partner because I was really scared about disappointing them (he’d consider himself agnostic or spiritual).

But I worked through these fears with friends and a therapist. I’m constantly trying to remind myself that being a Christian is no longer something that is good for me (in fact, it put me into years of therapy), and I can’t control what expectations my parents put on me. But I can choose to be with someone who not only brings me joy but helps me grow and be a better person.

Two Bengalis dressed in traditional Tamil attire

Was there pushback?

F: Not really. Despite being from different countries and speaking entirely different languages*, ultimately we both prioritise coming from the same religious background.

E: Nope — or not yet?

*Bengali is an Indo-Aryan language like Punjabi, Hindi-Urdu, Nepali and Gujurati (and more!), while Tamil is a Dravidian language!

Did your friends have any interesting reactions? Did you hesitate to tell them?

F: They’ve started calling me a Bengali or a half-Bengali (haha!). And telling them was a breeze. Again, this could be because we’re both [South Asian] and share the same religion.

E: My friends have been pretty encouraging of our relationship — I didn’t hesitate to tell them! I don’t think they would ever judge my partner based on their race or ethnicity. Some of my friends are desi* and many of them are also in interracial and intercultural relationships.

*Meaning “of the nation” in Hindi-Urdu and other Indo-Aryan languages. An umbrella term commonly used for North Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis.

Would you consider you and your partner to be quite similar or different?

F: We’re very similar.

E: Very different – which means there has been much to learn from each other and many ways to grow in our relationship. Communication is key.

O: We are different but similar in some ways.

How about culturally and when it comes to how you practice and engage with your culture?

F: His side is more loud and sociable whereas my side is more reserved and conservative, so yes we do have quite a number of cultural differences despite being from neighbouring countries (India and Bangladesh). But we both bond over our love for seafood, especially fish!

E: I think we’re both pretty engaged with our cultures (Chinese-Amerian and Indian) — the good and the bad! We talk a lot about the political aspects of our cultures, and I enjoy learning from what he has to say as I also enjoy sharing about my upbringing.

A spread of Bengali pithas, some of which are very similar to Tamil cuisine!

What surprised you the most about your partner’s or each other’s culture?

E: I was most surprised by how long cricket matches are — I could not understand at first how one game could be five days long. I am also always surprised by how much more there is to learn about desi cuisine — I’ve enjoyed exploring this in Hong Kong by visiting restaurants and eating our friends’ cooking.

I was also impressed by how much I like Coke Studio songs (I usually find it hard to enjoy music when I don’t understand the lyrics, but some of those songs are just so beautifully performed — there’s no way to be unmoved while listening to some of them).

“I was, in fact, really surprised to find out we share a lot of traditions and favourite snacks.”
— Fashila

F: I was, in fact, really surprised to find out we share a lot of traditions and favourite snacks — whatever we both thought were unique to our cultures actually weren’t! From afternoon nibbles to superstitions and even minor similarities in vocabulary, it’s always interesting to find similarities and laugh about who copied whom!

O: In my culture (Filipino-Chinese), every elder is addressed as an aunt and uncle but I had to call his mom and dad by their first names. I felt really awkward saying it out loud, like I was being disrespectful to them.

What do you love most about your partner’s culture?

F, dating a Bangladeshi: Their hospitality and warmth!

E, dating an Indian: I don’t think I can pinpoint one thing I love most! There’s a lot to love and lots more to learn.

O, dating a French man: The food, and the ability to slow down and enjoy the moment.

What are things to know about dating someone outside your own culture?

E: As long as your values align, there’s so much to learn and explore when you don’t confine yourself to only dating people of your own culture. Oftentimes, the toughest part to work out is family. But even for families of different cultures, there are ways to make it work: learn some phrases in another language, create other shared experiences that don’t require them to speak the same language, etc. Again, even when it comes to family, communication is key!

And hopefully, they can be happy that you’re happy with the person you’re dating. But that might not always be the case, so you need to decide for yourself what is most important to you when dating someone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have someone your parents can easily communicate with, but figure that out before you take deeper steps in your relationships.

“We’ve learned that even when speaking the same language, certain words don’t always have the same implications for everyone.”

– E

What would you say someone should know about dating your ethnicity or your partner’s ethnicity?

O: In my culture (Filipino-Chinese), those older than us are always right and there are a lot more rules to follow in comparison to my partner’s ethnicity.

E: If you have a desi partner, don’t call curry “sauce”, or roti or paratha or naan “bread”! If you have a Chinese partner, don’t expect our desserts to be sweet. If you’re dating an American, it takes us time to learn to say “football” instead of “soccer” — sorry, we’re trying!

“It’s important to be open to each other’s culture”
— O

And finally, do you have any advice for other intercultural couples?

F: Always show respect to not only your significant other but also to their family. Embrace differences, listen with open ears and an open mind and lastly, try to learn their language or traditions, it’s super sweet and thoughtful!

E: Communication is key (openness is too, but hopefully most people already know that!). We’ve learned that even when speaking the same language, certain words don’t always have the same implications for everyone. It’s important to clarify exactly what the other person is saying before jumping to conclusions, especially during disagreements or tension.

O: It’s important to be open to each other’s culture and try to adapt, especially when meeting each other’s families.

The post Hong Kong Dating Stories: Intercultural Relationships appeared first on Sassy Hong Kong.

16 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas Your S.O. Will Love

Sakina Abidi — Sun, 15 Jan 2023 22:00:24 +0000

Here are the best Valentine’s Day gift ideas, all available to shop right now in Hong Kong — from satin rose-print handbags to heart-shaped blushes, chain-link bodice bras and more.

Looking for gift ideas that’ll impress your Valentine? Whether you’re looking to spoil your romantic partner, help pick out a present for a loved one or want to treat your best galentines (or maybe you’re shopping for yourself, we won’t judge!), you’ve come to the right place. From scented candles and red lipsticks to homegrown flower bouquets, local jewellery, handmade heart-stitched sweaters and sweet treats, here are 16 Valentine’s Day gift ideas that we’re confident your significant other will love, all available to buy in Hong Kong.

Better Than Flowers, Gift Box, From $199

We love this super cute gifting idea — a customisable box full of sweet eats and trinkets complete with a personalised card delivered directly to your sweetheart’s doorstep. First, pick a balloon or gift box. Then, choose from over 100 items including treats from homegrown brands (like Conspiracy Chocolate!), delicate jewellery, scented candles, artisanal soaps and more. And finally, sit back and relax while Better Than Flowers takes care of the rest!

Use the code SASSY to get 10% off.

Grace & Favour HK, Valentine’s Day Roses, From $1,480

Not your average roses, but premium Ecuadorian rose bouquets and rose boxes from award-winning florist Grace & Favour HK, yes, this is what we’re eyeing to gift our significant other this Valentine’s Day. The roses are all flown in directly from partner farms and are kept fresh for purchase. What’s special about these blooms? They’re prized for their large bud sizes and longevity, making this gift all the more memorable.

BAKU, Spa and Massage Experience For Two People, $1,688

Head to the newly-opened BAKU, an Okinawa and Thai-style spa, for this experience for two that includes a 75-minute signature aroma oil massage in a cosy, private room, followed by dessert.

Read More: The Best Spas In Hong Kong

Nike, Air Force 1 ’07 sneakers, $2,686

While we wait for Nike’s “Valentine’s Day 2023” collection to drop in stores, there’s no harm in considering rare limited editions from the years before — like these white and wild cherry red leather Air Force 1 ’07 sneakers.

Read More: The Best Shoe Shops In Hong Kong

The Floristry, The Flower Jar Subscription, $275

Instead of just one bouquet this Valentine’s, gift your loved one a weekly delivery of fresh flowers to their doorstep with The Floristry’s subscription service.

3CE, Multi Eye Colour Palette – Delightful, $329

A stunning nine-pan eyeshadow palette featuring glitter and shimmer pink and coral shades, with natural mineral powder and creamy formulas for easy, smooth application.

The Cakery, Valentine’s Day Collection, From $238

Matcha white chocolate ganache hearts, raspberry dark chocolate, a show-stopping heart-shaped cake, strawberry rose mille-feuille and more — all available from Thursday, 26 January to Sunday, 19 February.

LUSH, With Love Gift Set, $310

A trio of fresh and floral shower, bath, and body products: “Love” shower gel, “Dream Cream” hand and body lotion and the sweetest “Tisty Tosty” heart-shaped bath bomb.

CHARLES & KEITH, Chloris Satin & Leather Rose-Print Shoulder Bag – Red, $1,299

This red shoulder bag features a rose print and soft satin and natural calf leather textures. Part of the special collaboration with Shanghai-based fashion label SHUSHU/TONG.

ColourPop, Pressed Powder Blush – Babycakes, $12 USD (about $94 HKD)

A rich matte blush that glides on smoothly and leaves cheeks with a natural flush of colour. Long-wearing, silky and all packed up in the prettiest heart-shaped compact.

éclater jewellery, Heart Hoop Earrings – 14K Gold Plated, $248

A Team Sassy-favourite local brand, éclater jewellery’s delicate open heart hoops are perfect for gifting. 14K gold plated and 316 stainless steel. Also available in sterling silver S925.

Sheer, Bordelle Cymatic Bodice Bra, $5,550

Truly indulgent lingerie — a luxurious bodice bra with delicate embroidered tulle cups, striking longline underband, chain-link gold components and overlaid strapping details.

Read More: Where To Buy Lingerie In Hong Kong

diptyque, Roses Candle 600g, $1,600

A floral scented wax candle in a hand-crafted porcelain container — in the softest pink, stamped with diptyque’s signature characteristic oval. Burns for 90 hours.

Hourglass, Unlocked Satin Crème Lipstick – Red O, $330

Brand new from Hourglass, this ultra-hydrating lipstick delivers a luxe, satin crème finish and is truly 100 percent vegan — using an exclusive replacement for the insect-derived carmine!

Heyays, 3D Heart Love Cardigan, $1,510.32

Using an original design, this 100 percent handmade button-down cardigan is simply too cute for words! Decorated with 3D handmade crochet hearts.

Bang & Olufsen, Beoplay H95 Headphones – Lunar Red, $8,498

A gorgeous red and gold version of the completely on-trend Beoplay H95 ultimate over-ear headphones! Excellent design and sound output, with adjustable noise-cancelling.

How about a gift hamper?

If you still haven’t found what you’re looking for, head to our main gift guide landing page.

Or if you’re searching for gift inspiration for the family, check out the selection on our sister site Sassy Mama.

Editor’s Note: All listed prices were correct at the time of publication.

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Could Sex Help You Sleep Better?

Gemma Fisk — Sun, 13 Nov 2022 22:00:16 +0000

Could an orgasm be the answer to better sleep? All the more reason to spice things up in the bedroom!

You can experience anxiety and stress in many areas of your life but the most common environments and stressors are to do with work, relationships and financial strain. Stress can affect us throughout the day but, unfortunately, it tends to hit the hardest during the only time some of us have to worry: when we’re in bed. Relaxing your body and mind can help prepare you for a decent night’s sleep — and an orgasm could be the answer! Plus, you don’t need a partner, a handy sex toy will do!

First, How Much Sleep Do We Really Get?

How many hours of sleep are you getting each night? Do you struggle to fall asleep or find that you wake up throughout the night for an unwanted period of time? You’re not alone!

In Hong Kong, it is estimated over 2 million people suffer from sleep deprivation and insomnia.

There are many factors that can impact our sleep, from nutritional deficiencies and hormonal imbalances to sleep disorders such as sleep apnea. As an Adult Sleep Coach and insomnia specialist, the most common cause of sleep disturbances I come across is stress and anxiety. But it takes the average person 10 years of suffering from insomnia before they seek help.

Why Stress Is The Leading Cause Of Lack Of Sleep

When we are stressed, our bodies produce a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol gives us the feeling of being wired and on edge. This makes sleep very difficult and can lead to lying in bed for long periods of time feeling restless and frustrated.

How Sex Comes Into Play

In order to help regulate the cortisol hormone in our bodies, we need serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin is associated with feelings of contentment, calm and happiness, whilst dopamine is associated with feelings of satisfaction and rewards.

Regulates the feeling of stress and replaces it with relaxation and calm to help you fall asleep easier.

Having sex and reaching orgasm helps your body to produce serotonin and dopamine, which relieves you of your feeling of stress at bedtime. It’s exactly what you need to be able to drift off to sleep after a long and tiring day! Obviously, learning how to digest and process our day prior to bedtime benefits us too but an orgasm can provide a quick fix.

How To Spice It Up Before Bedtime

An orgasm does not have to be supported by a partner, although if you live or sleep with your partner, this bedtime routine could be beneficial to your sleep as well as support your physical bond. If you do not have a bed partner, include masturbation and perhaps a toy to help you reach this goal. I’d recommend experimenting to see what works for you and getting to know your own body.

Using this method of relaxation is a great short-term solution and can definitely be used as a ‘go-to’ if it is a challenge for you to get a good night’s sleep.

Last But Not Least, Seeking Help Is Always Okay

Should you find you’re experiencing stress every night and are continuing to have issues sleeping, I’d recommend booking a consultation with a sleep coach to explore the problem further. Sleep is a natural process that all our bodies are capable of doing but we may sometimes experience mental and physical barriers.

As sleep can be affected by so many different factors, searching for the answers on your own can be extremely frustrating. I’d urge you to speak with a specialist to help you identify these sleep barriers and start your journey to feeling alert and energetic again! Good quality sleep can be our superpower.

Otherwise, if your difficulties falling asleep are infrequent, experiment with an orgasm before bed and pay attention to how you feel afterwards! Allow yourself to relax and enjoy all those wonderful hormones.

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6 Dating Tips: How To Date With Ease

Nathalie Sommer — Wed, 10 Aug 2022 22:00:51 +0000

In an era of dating apps and swiping on Tinder, the Hong Kong dating scene isn’t quite the easiest to navigate. A relationship coach shares her top tips on how to date with ease.

Do you feel your head spinning with the numerous contradicting dating rules that have somehow become common knowledge in modern dating? You’ve probably come across some of these main offenders like don’t be too available, don’t be too distant, don’t respond too quickly – make them wait, you don’t want to look needy; but don’t make them wait too long, they’ll lose interest. It’s enough to turn anyone off dating but it doesn’t have to be this hard. Read on for some expert tips from relationship coach Nathalie Sommer to help you bring the fun and excitement back into the dating process.

Set Boundaries

Are you tired of receiving late-night texts or phone calls? Or maybe you’re fed up with the lack of attention from the person you’ve been dating?

First of all, identify what behaviour isn’t working for you. Then, talk to them about how that behaviour makes you feel.

You could say something like, “I enjoy spending time with you and I think you’re amazing (start with the positive), but I feel like we might not be on the same page. I want to get to know you better, but if you’re not available for that, I feel like I’m wasting my time. I trust you will respect my feelings as I enjoy our time spent together”.

Make sure you follow through with the consequence if they don’t step up! Otherwise, they’ll know if you’re bluffing next time and won’t take you seriously. Additionally, it sets a precarious precedent for your future relationships.

Know When Someone Is Ghosting You & Respond

Ghosting – as some of us may know all too well – is when someone you’ve been dating or talking to suddenly stops all communication with you and pretty much drops off the face of the earth. You can think everything is going well and then next minute they’re gone, and you’re left wondering what happened.

There are many different reasons people ghost (fear of the unknown, conflict avoidance etc.) but whatever the reason, this is something they have to work on – do not blame yourself.

You can say something along the lines of, “I haven’t heard from you in a long while, so I am going to assume this isn’t going any further. It would be nice to get some clarity”. Give a time limit for when you want to hear from them, and if you don’t hear back by the deadline, move on.

Understand The Power Of Polarity

The dating game is incredibly sexy, fun and beautiful when you know how to play with the balance of masculine and feminine (not so much in a gender-related sense, think of it like Yin & Yang) and create polarity. If you want to attract someone that leads, is ambitious, assertive and desires y0u (leading in their yang), you have to invite them to dance with you as you lean into your playful, receptive energy (surrender into your yin).

Stand firm in the feminine yin energy and realise your worth and power. From that place, you’ll be able to attract the right match.

When you’re in your yin energy, dating can be easy and fun once you get out of your head and work on your belief system. The masculine yang energy would give anything to be with someone easy going, and fun.

Connect To Your Sensual Being

We all have sensual and intimate desires, and getting clear about your needs and wants allows you to be more powerful and confident. To fully own that, you simply need to explore that side of you, both inside and outside the bedroom. Take some time to discover what gives you sexual pleasure. Or practice dialling up your body language – move slowly and sensually, soften your voice, lean back – it’s fun and playful and flirty!

Stand Firm In Your Beliefs

Make it a goal to be your authentic self when dating. As cliché as it sounds, staying true to you involves your “inner” game matching your “outer” game. The first step is to be honest with yourself, look at your beliefs around relationships, acknowledge your past patterns and restore your self-worth. Once you do that, you’ll notice everything shifts and others will feel it too.

Here are some things you can do:

Journal and reflect on what your past relationships had in common. Ask yourself; how did I feel in my previous relationships (what felt right/what felt wrong)? What did they have in common? What were my learnings? Where do I need to take responsibility? How do I want to feel in the next relationship?
Do more of the things that help you connect with your inner self (i.e. being in nature, reading a book, journalling, practising mindfulness, connecting with your body through dance, yoga and meditation, etc.).
If you want to improve your relationship with others and open yourself up to true intimacy, you first need to strengthen your relationship with yourself.
I recommend reading the book Wired For Love to help you understand your own and others’ attachment styles to create healthy relationships.

Welcome Vulnerability, It’s Your Strength

To paraphrase research professor and author Brene Brown, no act of courage has ever taken place without first stepping into vulnerability. In other words, it’s time to be courageous, follow your gut and do YOU. It’s only natural to want to protect ourselves from having our feelings hurt and to evade rejection.

Being vulnerable is a risk we have to take to experience any kind of meaningful connection.

Take the lead in revealing yourself according to your level of trust and comfort, and create a space where honest, revelatory and expansive conversations can occur (you might be surprised how others start doing the same). We want to protect ourselves from being hurt, so we reject vulnerability, but in doing so, we also deny ourselves the possibility of connection, belonging, joy and genuine happiness.

Editor’s Note: “6 Dating Tips: How To Date With Ease” was originally published in February 2021 by Nathalie Sommer and was most recently updated in August 2022.

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7 Sex Toys And Vibrators For Beginners

Fashila Kanakka — Thu, 26 May 2022 22:00:09 +0000

Want to spice things up in the bedroom whilst discovering what type of stimulation works best for you? Here are five beginner-friendly sex toys and vibrators to add to your wish list.

Although sex toys and vibrators have become more widely accepted and are now more accessible than ever, it can be overwhelming (even a little intimidating) to choose from the many different shapes, sizes and types of pleasure products out there. If you want a clearer idea of what you’re buying (no returns!), we’d suggest making your way to sex shops in Hong Kong (nothing to be embarrassed about!) where the shopkeepers can introduce you to a range of products to see what best suits you. Read on for our pick of beginner-friendly sex toys to add to your cart (and bedroom!).

Read More: The Best Sex Shops in Hong Kong

Best Beginner-Friendly Sex Toys And Vibrators

LELO Gigi 2 – G-Spot Vibrator

Easy to use and maximise pleasure. Coming in four gorgeous shades, this G-spot vibrator is made of phthalate-free silicone and feels super smooth and soft (almost like the real deal!). Great for external stimulation and insertion, the ELO Gigi 2 is waterproof and can last up to four hours after you charge it for two hours. It comes with an ultra-quiet vibration as well when you want undisturbed pleasure.

Good for: Intense solo sessions

Available at Sally’s Toys (various locations across Hong Kong), or buy online.

Lovense Nora Bluetooth Rabbit Vibrator – G-spot Vibrator

Waterproof and easy to clean, Lovense’s app-controlled (you can also control the vibrator using the buttons on the handle) rabbit vibrator includes a rotating head, optimised shaft and a vibrating arm — offering the best G-spot stimulation (plus, you can independently control each part). The app is easy to use and control, and you can leave it in the hands of a trusted partner and get steamy! This vibrator also works wonders for couples doing long-distance as your partner can still control your vibrator even from a different city (or country or continent!).

Good for: Long-distance lovers

Available at TakeToys (various locations across Hong Kong), or buy online.

Womanizer Starlet 3 – Compact-Sized Clitoral Stimulator

Do not underestimate this palm-sized product, this reasonably priced, suction vibrator from Womanizer is the go-to sex toy for many beginners and regular users alike. Using Pleasure Air Technology you can expect gentle (well, depends on which level you’re keeping it at!) and indirect clitoris stimulation. There are only two buttons — to add and decrease intensity levels so you can easily skip past the user manual for this one! And it’s 100% waterproof making it great for a quickie in the shower (for days when you really need it).

Good for: Bringing along during travel and quickies!

Available online at Womanizer.

Lovehoney Desire Luxury Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator – Pebble-Shaped Silicone Vibrator

Surrender to wave upon wave of blissful sensation with LoveHoney’s clitoral vibrator. There are eight modes of vibration, each with 12 custom speeds of intensity (the world is your oyster). Only about 50% of women orgasm regularly through penetrative intercourse, so to close the gap, bring out this bad boy just when your partner is about to orgasm; it definitely increases the intensity and it’s a win-win situation! Another tip, use a water-based lubricant for optimal pleasure.

Good for: Intense solo sessions and to use with a partner

Available online at Lovehoney.

Fun Factory VOLTA – Great For Nipple Orgasms

Nipple stimulation is indeed underrated but when done right, you can feel waves of pleasure and orgasm from nipple play. This sex toy from Fun Factory can do just that with its deep, rumbling vibration that comes in six levels and six patterns. The VOLTA’s tips flutter against the clit and labia as well, making this sex toy a versatile pick (plenty of room to play around!). Plus, it’s also suitable for men (place the tip on either side of the shaft)!

Good for: Nipple and clitoral stimulation as well as the shaft — a great option for couples!

Available at Wanta, 2/F, No. 28 Russell Street, Causeway Bay, Hong Kong, or order directly from Fun Factory.

We Vibe The Nova 2 – For Mixed Orgasms, Solo Or In Pairs

Take foreplay and masturbation to the peak of pleasure, the Nova 2 is the perfect option for nonstop, toe-curling satisfaction (did you see that curved design?). Oftentimes, sex toys may not work out due to fit issues but this model is flexible and adaptable to all bodies, plus it can also be controlled remotely via the We-Connect mobile app. There are 13 levels of intensity and you can lock it in place and just let loose, need we say more?

Good for: Deep and intense arousal

Available at TakeToys (We Vibe does not directly ship to Hong Kong)

Smile Makers The Firefighter – Clit Vibrator With Broad Stimulation

The Firefighter redefines external play and explosive orgasms with its broad stimulation and intense massage on the clitoral glans. The flame-shaped vibrator is designed this way to maximise pleasure and spread its waves around your labia, meaning more shivers down your spine! Made using premium silicone sourced from Japan, it feels ultra soft and smooth and is 100% body-safe, cruelty free and vegan (plus, it’s waterproof). You’ll be surprised to know it only costs $399!

Good for: Quickies with a deep stimulation (with multiple orgasms!)

Readily available at Watsons throughout Hong Kong or shop online at Smile Makers.

Read More: How To Claim Your Feminine Power

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